the-stonedsoldier:

“do you have a boyfriend yet?”

“when are you gonna get a job?”

“what are you gonna do with your life?”

straightfacedstrangeness:

Concept for a porno:

Woman reclining seductively on a bed. The door swings open. The Grim Reaper walks in.

Woman gives the Reaper a husky look. “So,” she drawls. “Death has finally come for me.”

“Not yet,” replies the Reaper, and strips off its robe

gukju:

i had a long and vivid dream where i accidentally invited the ghost of alexander hamilton into my house and he just sort of followed me around and scoffed at my essay writing and eventually i tried to hire an exorcist but the exorcist turned out to be thomas jefferson and they got into a fistfight in my kitchen

The signs as shady texts

asstrollohgee:

Aries: Fine.

Taurus: kay

Gemini: kk :)

Cancer: okay i guess

Leo: lmao k

Virgo: …ok

Libra: haha ur funny

Scorpio: k.

Sagittarius: LOL

Capricorn: {read yesterday, 2:17pm}

Aquarius: idk im rly busy

Pisces: sorry fell asleep

acesuggestion:

It’s ok if you haven’t completely “figured yourself out” yet. It’s ok if you’re 25 and still learning about yourself. It’s ok if you’re 35, 45, 80. Your journey of self-discovery is yours alone and you have a right to do it at you own pace. Humans are complicated, and growth is a beautiful facet of that complicatedness.

poopflow:

cause of death: second hand embarrassment 

octobra:

if you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off I will do the same thing to ur head

inbedwithboys:

I feel horrible in case you were wondering